A letter to my daughter I always wanted you… I waiting so long to get pregnant and when I finally did I was very happy but man, was it ever a complicated pregnancy. Right before I conceived you I was pregnant with another baby but we lost the baby when I was 8 weeks pregnant.. I was very sad and was told to wait a few months for my body to recover before trying to get pregnant again. I was scheduled to take a blood test to check and make sure my hormones had gone back down but I procrastinated a few weeks before I finally went to take the blood test and when I did we found that I was actually pregnant again with you! The moment after I got off the phone with my doctor I felt really weird and rushed to the bathroom and started puking.. This is how I spent the first 5 months of pregnancy because I had hyperemesis gravidarum which is severe morning sickness… I was put on a medication to help with the morning sickness that I took 3 times a day. The medication helped sometimes but I still ate very little and actually lost 15 pounds in the first few months alone.. I was constantly worried about if I was able to keep enough food down to sustain the growing life inside of me I also worried I was going to become dehydrated. On several occasions I went as long as 5 days without being able to keep down any food. (The smell of toast and your dad cooking steak was the worst. I always locked myself in our bedroom with the windows open while he cooked those items) I started to feel better around the end of the 5th month of pregnancy, I had a great sixth month then I was faced with other complications… They discovered I had an irritable uterus which meant that I started having contractions whenever I did any activity. As the pregnancy went along the contractions got stronger and stronger and more and more frequent. At 33 weeks I had contractions for 10 hours and they were worried I was going into preterm labor which would have been bad since the entire NICU was full all the way to Manitoba so they would have sent us to the USA if you were born.. Thankfully they were able to stop the contractions and I was sent home with a mild sedative. Shortly after this I started having high blood pressure problems, a few times my blood pressure was as high as 170/110 which is very dangerous, I was seeing black spots everywhere I went and I had a hard time concentrating on anything. The doctors talked about inducing me but since it was still early on they put me on a new medication which I really didn’t care for but I endured for your safety. I saw about 5 different doctors in the last few weeks of my pregnancy each with a different idea of what should be happening. I had to go into the hospital 2-3 times a week from then on for non-stress tests and blood work as well as occasional ultrasounds. (I remember seeing your big pouty lips and was so excited to meet you) When I was about 37 weeks my blood pressure was still acting up just not as bad and they worried I was beginning to get pre-eclampsia which would mean my organs would start failing so they started doing membrane sweeps twice a week to try and get my body to go into labor on its own. I tried all the different methods I could find to jump start labor.. I even tool castor oil… Twice.. Neither time worked.(It is nasty stuff). At 39 weeks they decided it was time to induce me but when I got into the hospital for all my tests they informed me that they were short staffed and because of that they would not let the doctor to induce me.. Instead he did a really painful membrane sweep (7am) because they really wanted me to go into labor SOON. I went home and a few hours later labor started (2pm). My contractions started getting really painful around 2pm in the afternoon that same day and I started to question if I was in labor. Mom told me I should go lay down for a nap incase I was in labor but when I tried I realized how much pain I was in and then I realized I was likely in labor. I tried to rest and do relaxing things like sit in the hottub for a few minutes and rested but nothing stopped the contractions. At around 5 I called my midwife to let her know what was going on and she told me I could come in whenever but I wanted to stay home for as long as possible. Your dad came home early from work to help me cope with my contractions and at 8pm we decided to go into the hospital to get checked out. Unfortunately when we got there I was only about 3.5cm dilated so they could not admit me to the hospital.. I could not sleep so my midwife gave me an injection in my leg of gravol and morphine to help me sleep. We went back to the midwife office and slept in the bedroom they had downstairs. Unfortunately I didn’t get much rest that night; I was up about every hour to puke and my contractions didn’t completely go away either so I was still in pain. By the time it was 6am I went up and got checked by my midwife again who said I had moved to 4cm but my contractions had not gotten any closer together so she suggested that she could break my water. I agreed, was it ever a weird feeling (sort of like peeing your pants constantly because the fluids regenerate) My contractions soon kicked into over drive and I called my mom to tell her that she better come on in to the hospital. We waited at the office until about 7am then headed over and I was admitted to my room. I had already been in labor for about 17 hours and I had to be on constant monitoring because of my blood pressure and I also had to have an IV because I was still puking at least once an hour, usually more and I was getting pretty dehydrated at this point. I asked for an epidural because I was worried if I didn’t get one I would be way too tired to push when the time came and am I ever glad I got the epidural. They also gave me several doses of fentanyl which made me pretty loopy and tired. Everyone wanted to know what they could do to help and it got rather annoying.. I didn’t require any help, I just sat there and waited…. The most I asked of anyone was to let me puke on my own and I sent your dad to get me ice for my gatorade every 40 minutes or so. We all sat around and waited for my body to progress further as I puked and puked but I was slowly getting closer to delivery. However, due to my epidural I was unable to eat until after you were born and I was SO hungry! (I had not been able to keep food down for at least 2 days) I kept saying, “I hope she is born by dinner time because man i’m ready to eat!” My epidural started to fade away but only on one side and I was in a lot of pain so we had to get the anesthesiologist to come back and fix my epidural but he was in surgery so I had to wait a while before he could come in. I was already at 9cm dilated at this point so they were not sure if they were going to be able to give me the medication or not. Luckily he came in and was able to help me out. At 3pm I was told that I could start pushing if I wanted to try and move your head past but I was still only 9cm… I waited a bit so I could puke then I started to push. My midwife helped move my cervix out of the way and your head started to move down. I pushed for about 30-40 minutes. Your dad took pictures and my mom and midwife held my legs as I pushed because of the epidural it was hard to tell when I was having a contraction and needed to push. As your head started to come out all anyone watching could say was “WOW LOOK AT ALL THAT HAIR!!!!” I kept pushing and at 3:42pm you were finally born! You were very purple when you came out and you didn’t cry so everyone was very concerned but they rubbed you really hard to get the fluids out and you started screaming (what a wonderful sound after not hearing you cry) They quickly put you on my chest and I held you close as your dad cut your umbilical cord. We all marveled over you and tried to get you to breastfeed but we were both too tired. After a while the midwife took you to do all your measurements and medical interventions like vitamin K and eye drops. You weighed 8 pounds and you were 20 inches long! WOW. Once my legs were working again I made my way to the bathtub where we had our first bath together. We spent the night in the hospital and by the next morning we were cleared to leave and we took you home. We all loved you very much before you were even born but now that you are here we love you even more, if that is possible. |